This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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