his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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