peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
