This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
