The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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