I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
