Why does Corona taste like a burp?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
