Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
