If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
