On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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