then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
