I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
