Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize