I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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