she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
