sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
