I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
