well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
