You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
