Im at strip club and am horny
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize