Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
