sarcasm needs its own font
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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