Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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