So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All the doctor said was why
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
