You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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