Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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