I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
