your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
