So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
