This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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