And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
