I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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