i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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