Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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