In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
