i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
