This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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