After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you will always have a special place in my vag
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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