I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
