the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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