we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
