I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
