well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
