That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
