I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
vagina is talking i cant
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
