I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
