He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
