My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
