My balls are so social today.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
