I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
