I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
