What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
