My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
