She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
