thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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