I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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