At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
