he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
