I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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