So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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