I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
