Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
