I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
