dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
