i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
