I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
