break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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