OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
