It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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