You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize