Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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