Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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