I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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