I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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